You are the reason why I’m here. You are the reason why I ended up here. You are the reason why I’m afraid to let anyone close to me. And yet, you are the reason why I have as many happy memories as I do. You were the center of my world for almost three whole years. My whole world came crashing down on me with one simple sentence. For two years I had a hard time adjusting. You kept me around for a little while, and for that I blame you. But only that. I can’t blame you for anything else because it was just as much my fault as it was yours. We both did things we aren’t proud of, and we both said things that we didn’t mean. The only thing I can truly be mad at you for was being my friend when I didn’t need you in my life at all. That simple fact kept me around for longer than I cared for. False hope is possibly the worst thing anyone could ever have. It’s more dangerous than cigarettes or drugs, more potent than even the strongest alcohol. I was intoxicated because I loved you so much I actually believed that it could work. Little did I know, all it did was make me ill and jaded. I’m tired of the way you make me feel, I’m tired of the way you still control me. But most of all, I’m tired of the fact that I still love you. I will always love you.
You stay out of my life for two years, and it finally helped me get over the fact that you weren’t in my life anymore. I was happy, truly happy again for the first time in a while. You did your thing and I did mine. I almost forgot about you, but then a song would come on and it would remind me of you. Lot’s of things reminded me of you, you just have no idea. I would love to forget about you, but that is impossible. You are not in itself unforgettable; you just left such a huge mark on me at such an impressionable time.
You magically show up in class, and it about broke my heart. Seeing you has that effect on me. It brought back so many memories, and it made me grateful to have someone like you in my life. Things looked up because we were so friendly. I was realistic in knowing that it wasn’t going to be anything more than that. I had grown up, you had grown up. We laughed, something we hadn’t done in years. It felt good. We were crass and condescending. We were happy in each other’s company again. I wanted to thank you for making me a stronger person.
I began to have some doubt. I didn’t want to get involved with you again. I was too hurt. I didn’t want to do that to myself again. Not anymore. We talked sparingly, and it helped immensely. I told my friends that we were just friends, trying to reconnect. They told me to be careful, but I already knew. You have a way with me that is both dangerous and amazing. You’re like a drug that I can’t kick. Maybe not that bad, but you get the point. The sad thing is, you will never read this. You will never know any of these things that are written down. It’s better that way. I can’t hang out with you, because it will bring me too much emotion. Knowing this, you told me to come see you, come see your family. You know how much I love your family. You know how much I love you. I know it’s a bad idea, but there is only one thing I can say, and I think I will regret it.
What are you doing Thursday?
