Letter To A Pretty Girl

Dear Girl,

You are everything I could ever hope for. You are more than I could ever ask for. God asked me what I wanted in a person. I told him exactly what it was that I wanted, and then he made you. The only thing is, God did me one better. You are better than I could ever imagine. I don't know where you are, and I don't know when I'm going to meet you. What I do know is this; I will find you one day. There is no doubt you are beautiful, if not by the world's standards then by mine. You'll bring out the best in me. I'll try my hardest to make you happy, and though I may fail, just know that I will love you with all of my heart. I'm far from perfect. I say the wrong things and mess up way too much. I'm clumsy and I'm tone deaf. I can't play the guitar or piano. I watch too many movies and read too many books, though neither of those are bad things. I don't look like a model or dress like a celebrity. You will love me in spite of my flaws, and I will love you for that. I'm gonna bide my time, because I know I haven't found you yet, and I won't settle for anyone but you. When I least expect it, you'll come crash into my life, and I'll be all the better for it. I can't wait to meet you, because we'll spend the rest of our lives getting to know each other. I love you already, and I don't even know who you are.

Love,
Boy

And it goes on and on and on and on...

So you thought I was gone, didn't you?

You can't get rid of me that easily. I won't go into the whole cliche about roaches and the apocalypse, because I think it's unfortunate to describe anyone as a cockroach, especially if that person would be me. I've taken a mini sabbatical from this thing for a number of reasons, mainly school and being a bit under the weather for the entirety of December, but don't fret. I'm hoping ot update this thing pretty regularly. It fits with one of my resolutions for the new year, which we'll get into in a bit.

I've been reading a lot lately, and I've forgotten how much it calms me down. One thing especially is a specific blog. I usually don't like reading blogs that much because what most people have to say doesn't really interest me. Say what you want, but I'm just being honest. And probably saying what a lot of people are thinking. This man, Max Dubinksy, has a blog called MakeItMAD, here.

This man inspires me like no one has in quite a while. He is a writer living in LA and struggling with everything from alcohol to women to pornography. What man in his 20's isn't doing that? What makes it so inspiring is that he is learning to find God once again, and this is what is calling out to me. I grew up in a very secular household until we moved to the South. From the ages of 10 to 18, we became a religious family. Not crazy fanatics, but we understood the idea of God's love the shortcomings of man. When I went off to college in the big bad city of Atlanta, I was exposed to so many different things, some good, most bad. It made me forget about what I had learned. I was drinking too much, started experimenting with some questionable substances, skipping class, lying. Basically I was living in the world instead of in the Word. It wasn't "cool" to be a christian anymore, so I shrugged it off.

Max has consciously been trying to get back to the basics, and that means getting back to God. This is where the respect for him I have continues to grow. It has inspired me to go back to church and regain that zeal for the Lord that I once had. Like Max has said time and time again, it's going to be a struggle, but maybe that's exactly what I need. I've made it my mission to change the way I live my life. Which brings me to my new year's resolutions. So lets begin.

1). Finish everything that I start.
-This has always been tough for me. I always have the best intentions, but as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
2). Listen more and talk less.
-I have begun to notice that at times I tend to dominate conversations. I want to listen more and actually gain an interest into what most people say.
3). Lost some weight.
-This is pretty self explanatory.
4). Have more fun.
-And by fun, I don't mean drink myself into oblivion and run around naked like a drunken idiot. Movies, Plays, Art Exhibits, Days in the Park. Things like that.
5). Write more.
-You can't be a writer if you never write. I have a few ideas in my mind, and the first one is a work in progress. The good thing about that is, it's going to be a good catharsis.
6). Live more for the Lord.
-I want to be a role model for people that don't even know my name. I want people to see me and the way I present myself and the way I act, and think to themselves, "Man, I want to be like THAT guy." I have a friend like that. Who doesn't want to be him? If I can try to be more like him, my life will only be more fulfilling. But not in a creepy, Single White Female kind of thing.

It's gonna be a good year. It's gonna be a tough year. It could be the best year of my life. Whatever happens this year, I'm going to make the best of it, and dammit, I'm gonna lose 25lbs by April.

You thought you knew me. It's time to see if you're right.

Silver Lining

What is something that everyone has but is completely different from person to person? Expectations. Think about it, everyone has expectations when it comes to one thing or another. Some expectations are more grandiose than others. Some are outlandish while others are more realistic. Myself, I expect a lot of things to happen to me, for me, by me. Conservatively, I have the realistic outlook that many will never come to fruition, but that is the nature of the beast. I expect to marry the girl of my dreams, but we all know how fickle she is. I expect to work for a prestigious and reputable men's lifestyle magazine. I expect to buy my parents a house one day. Some of these will happen, some will not, but that's what's great about life in general. It's a grab bag, just sometimes you don't get what you want. Which goes back to the phrase I say way more than is needed, "What you want and what you need is rarely ever the same thing."

Just know that expectations are just that, what you expect to happen. Just because you expect things to happen doesn't mean they will.

Work hard.

Will You Return?

Christmas is way too expensive. If I didn't like buying my family presents, I would totally boycott the whole thing.

I Saw Sparks

I feel like I'm in a funk right now. I don't want to go to class (surprise there), I don't want to go to work (again, surprise) and I don't ever really feel like hanging out. It's almost like depression, but I have absolutely nothing to be depressed about. In fact, it's almost like my luck is changing. Kind of. Nervousness abounds. I just want to be given a chance. That's it. I know, I've screwed things up before, but I just feel it in my heart, it'll be different this time. Have faith in ME.

Don't say a word; just come over and lie here with me
'cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see.
I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe.
There, I just said it; I'm scared you'll forget about me.
-John Mayer "Edge of Desire"

Everyone is an Artist

I have an interesting idea. By interesting, I mean it's something that sounds like it would be awesome but will most likely never get finished. I have this terrible habit of having the best intentions of starting something, then never finishing it (see: P90x, Twitter, this blog). My newest idea involves writing a book. A short novel if you will. Hell, it might not even be a short story, but you get the point. The way I figure it, I can write a few pages a day for a whole year and have enough for a pretty substantial story. I have had a few people tell me that I should write a book, so to indulge my fans, maybe I should get to it. Do you see what I did there? I completely turned my brilliant idea into douchebaggery. Seriously though, I think writing a book would be pretty awesome. I don't know what to write about, but I'm sure something will come up. Maybe I'll just write a book about my life now, about my friends, about my experiences. Imagine for a second, if I wrote a book chronicling my life and just changed the names of everyone involved. I would just go ahead and name the guys I couldn't stand "Chet". That name just exudes bitchassedness.

"May I ask why my girlfriend is in your profile picture?"

"Well, no Chet, you can't."

On a side note, The Avett brothers have been blasting in my iPod all weekend long. It makes me forget about how terrible work has been.

Equal Opportunity

Have you ever had an idea, a shear "stroke of genius" that at the time of conception just felt like the greatest idea ever? Then, after its been given some thought, you come to the realization that it's possibly the stupidest idea ever. I like to call these happenings "phantom eureka moments." I'm currently doing a cost benefit analysis of getting a tattoo. I want something artsy and pretentious, like script from some obscure piece of literature, only because I want to be "that guy", the guy who uses air quotes and talks about indie art house films and subterranean bands. I say subterranean because even the underground artists haven't heard of the bands he's talking about. The more and more I think about it, I just don't think I have something that means enough to me to have it permanently on my body. I can already tell that there will definitely be some buyer's remorse, and unfortunately there is no return policy.

On an aside, I think I've decided to pitch an idea for the newspaper. It'd be a great way to gather contacts and have some published work. Always have to be thinking about your future kids. I'll divulge the details when I work out all of the logistics and what not.

Also, I've been rather nostalgic lately. Be ready for some sappy, emotional bullshit soon.

Currently Playing: John Mayer- I'm Gonna Find Another You (Live in Los Angeles)